1. The only difference between a taxman and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
-- Mark Twain
2. The most important ways in which I think the Internet will affect the big issue is that it will make it more difficult for government to collect taxes.
-- Milton Friedman
3. Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag.
-- Jay Leno
4. It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta.
-- Dave Barry
5. There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him.
-- Robert A. Heinlein
6. I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money.
-- Arthur Godfrey
7. Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
-- H. L. Mencken
8. [On completing tax returns].This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher
-- Albert Einstein
9. The point to remember is that what the government gives it must first take away.
-- John S. Coleman
10. Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.
-- Herman Wouk
11. America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.
-- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
12. Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay.
-- Milton Friedman
13. The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.
-- John Maynard Keynes
14. There is no such thing as a good tax.
-- Winston Churchill
15. The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
-- Will Rogers
16. When there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income.
-- Plato
17. The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-- Albert Einstein
18. To force a man to pay for the violation of his own liberty is indeed an addition of insult to injury.
-- Benjamin Tucker
19. The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.
-- Will Rogers
20. The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination.
-- Ronald Reagan
21. Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.
-- Robert A. Heinlein
22. We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-- Winston Churchill
23. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
-- G. Gordon Liddy
24. The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government.
-- Barry Goldwater
25. Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery.
-- Calvin Coolidge
26. There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that becoming taxpayers won't cure.
-- Dan Bennett
27. There may be liberty and justice for all, but there are tax breaks only for some.
-- Martin A. Sullivan
28. Taxes grow without rain.
-- Jewish Proverb
29. The same prudence which in private life would forbid our paying our own money for unexplained projects, forbids it in the dispensation of the public monies.
-- Thomas Jefferson
30. The principle involved here is time-honored and true: and that is it's your money.
-- Robert Dole
31. The purpose of a tax cut is to leave more money where it belongs: in the hands of the working men and working women who earned it in the first place.
-- Robert Dole
32. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
-- G. Gordon Liddy
33. Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!’
-- Rob Knauerhase
34. I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged.
-- Roger Jones
35. The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing.
-- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
36. It would be a hard government that should tax its people one-tenth part of their income.
-- Benjamin Franklin
37. I like to pay taxes. It is purchasing civilization.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
38. We don't have a trillion-dollar debt because we haven't taxed enough; we have a trillion-dollar debt because we spend too much.
-- Ronald Reagan
39. Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt.
-- Howard Aiken
40. The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax.
-- Lord Thomas Robert Dewar
41. In levying taxes and in shearing sheep it is well to stop when you get down to the skin.
-- Austin O'Malley
42. The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall.
-- Denis Healey
43. I wouldn't mind paying taxes… if I knew they were going to a friendly country.
-- Dick Gregory
44. If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.
-- Rush Limbaugh
45. Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.
-- F. J. Raymond
46. Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
-- Oscar Wilde
47. If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
-- Will Rogers
48. When there's a single thief, it's robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it's taxation.
-- Vanya Cohen
49. Taxation with representation ain't so hot either.
-- Gerald Barzan
50. Taxes, after all, are dues that we pay for the privileges of membership in an organized society.
-- Franklin D. Roosevelt
51. Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form.'
-- Laurence J. Peter
52. The United States has a system of taxation by confession.
-- Hugo Black
53. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
-- Peg Bracken
54. We must care for each other more, and tax each other less.
-- Bill Archer
55. What at first was plunder assumed the softer name of revenue.
-- Thomas Paine
56. Man is not like other animals in the ways that are really significant: animals have instincts, we have taxes.
-- Erving Goffman
57. The purse of the people is the real seat of sensibility. Let it be drawn upon largely, and they will then listen to truths which could not excite them through any other organ.
-- Thomas Jefferson
58. Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income.
-- Alfred E. Neuman
59. Taxes are paid in the sweat of every man who labors.
-- Franklin D. Roosevelt
60. I am thankful for the taxes I pay because it means that I'm employed.
-- Nancie J. Carmody
61. It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for.
-- Will Rogers
62. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-- Ronald Reagan
63. Any tax is a discouragement and therefore a regulation so far as it goes.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
64. The payment of taxes gives a right to protection.
-- James M. Wayne
65. If we don't do something to simplify the tax system, we're going to end up with a national police force of internal revenue agents.
-- Leon Panetta
66. Two years ago it was impossible to get through on the phone to the IRS. Now it's just hard to get through. That's progress.
-- Charles Rossotti, former IRS Commissioner
67. I owe the government $3,400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.
-- Michael McShane
68. I cannot undertake to lay my finger on that article of the Constitution which granted a right to Congress of expending, on objects of benevolence, the money of their constituents...
-- James Madison
69. Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids.
-- Harvey Mackay
70. On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
-- Tom Lehrer
71. I love America, but I can't spend the whole year here. I can't afford the taxes.
-- Mick Jagger
72. Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.
-- Will Rogers
73. If you get up early, work late, and pay your taxes, you will get ahead -- if you strike oil.
-- J. Paul Getty
74. If the IRS took 100 taxpayers at random and sent each an incorrect notice that they owed an extra $92.35 in taxes and interest, more than two-thirds would probably just send in a check without investigating further.
-- G. Guttman
75. The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.
-- Sam Ewing
76. [The Internal Revenue Code is] about 10 times the size of the Bible and, unlike the Bible, contains no good news."
-- Don Nickles
77. [The tax code] is a monstrosity and there's only one thing to do with it. Scrap it, kill it, drive a stake through its heart, bury it and hope it never rises again to terrorize the American people.
-- Steve Forbes
78. I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.
-- Douglas Adams.
79. They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money.
-- Al Capone
80. I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.
-- Ken Dodd
81. You know, thank God for the Inland Revenue. If it weren't for them, I'd be stinkin' Rich!
-- Robert Paul
82. I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
-- Milton Berle
83. Taxation: how the sheep are shorn.
-- Edward Abbey quotes
84. The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them.
-- Bill Vaughan
85. Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
-- Andy Rooney
86. Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.
-- Lord Bramwell,
87. The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
88. [A tax loophole is] something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform.
-- Russell B. Long, U.S. Senator
89. Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq.
-- Conan O'Brien
90. The term "tax humor" is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code.
-- John F. Iekel
91. A fool and his money are soon parted. It takes creative tax laws for the rest.
-- Bob Thaves
92. The question is: What can we, as citizens, do to reform our tax system? As you know, under our three-branch system of government, the tax laws are created by: Satan. But he works through the Congress, so that's where we must focus our efforts.
-- Dave Barry
93. If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract - teach him to deduct.
-- Fran Lebowitz
94. In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
-- Voltaire
95. Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled.
-- J. Danforth Quayle
96. The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes naturally, no one wants to live any other way.
-- Judith Martin
97. Why can't Americans do their own taxes? Because the federal Tax Code is out of control, that's why. It's gigantic and insanely complex, and it gets worse all the time. Nobody has ever read the whole thing. IRS workers are afraid to go into the same ROOM with it.
-- Dave Barry
98. I have always paid income tax. I object only when it reaches a stage when I am threatened with having nothing left for my old age - which is due to start next Tuesday or Wednesday.
-- Noel Coward
99. I can give you 1040 good reasons why I hate the government.
-- Terri Guillemets
100. If a person is an economic being and figures out the odds, then there is a very high incentive to cheat. That is, of course, putting aside honor, duty and patriotism.
-- Jerome Kurtz
101. Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.
-- Art Buchwald
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